i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
