Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
