dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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