Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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