My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
