no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
