we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
