Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
