I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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