I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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