she smelled like a LAN party
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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