Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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