New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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