Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
