I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
