is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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