Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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