I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She said her name was "party"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
