a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
