I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
