just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
