I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
