____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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