So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
