My friends, they love my intelligence
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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