i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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