ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize