like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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