I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
