I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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