I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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