All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
