oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
