Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize