I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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