I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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