Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
