By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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