Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
