Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
