It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
