Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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