in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
