there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
