Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
