3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
