Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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