Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
did you just send me my own nude
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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