just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
