p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Sober January is a disaster.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
