I could make wine with my vomit
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
