I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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