just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
