I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
