I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
