I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
