let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
