I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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