It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
