Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
