I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
