Duck Duck Cougar?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
