i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I could make wine with my vomit
Redeem this text for a blowjob
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
