she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
