Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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