the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
