you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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