i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
