I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My vagina is officially offended.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
